For Valentine’s day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus. It’s the little things that count.

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• Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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• Today, my son asked “Can I have a book mark?” and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.

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• I knew I shouldn’t steal a mixer from work, but it was a whisk I was willing to take.

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