Birthday Jokes

One Star Birthday Jokes

My wife called and gave me a list of things she’d like to do for her 32nd birthday.
I replied, “There’s no way can we do all that in 30 seconds!”

“I can’t believe it’s your birthday!
It seems like just yesterday you were a whole year younger.”

What kind of music do balloons like for birthday parties?
Pop music!

My mom called to wish me a happy birthday, and she said, “It feels like just yesterday you were a baby.” I said, “Yeah, but it also feels like just yesterday I had breakfast. Time is weird like that, man.”

A man walks into a seafood store carrying a trout under his arm.
“Do you make fish cakes?” he asked.
“Yes, we do,” replied the fishmonger.
“Great,” said the man. “It’s his birthday.”

It was grandpa Beeston’s 100th birthday and his health was still perfect. During his birthday celebration, his grandson asked how he was able to stay so young and fit.

He explained, “I chalk up my long life to spending as much time as I can outdoors. I have spent the last 75 years outside, rain or shine, taking in the fresh, clean air.”

“Wow grandpa! How do you manage to keep up such an intense exercise routine?” he asked.

“It’s easy,” he said. “When I married your grandmother 75 years ago, we made a promise to each other on our wedding night. We decided that when we had an argument whoever was wrong would have to head outside and take a long walk.”

Two Star Birthday Jokes

A couple called their neighbour to wish them happy birthday.

They dialed the number, put it on speak phone, and sang their hearts out. However, when they finished their horribly off key rendition, the realised they called the wrong number.

“Don’t worry you two,” replied the stranger, “you need all of the practice you can get!”

Why are birthdays good for your health? Research suggests people with more birthdays usually live longer.
Why are birthdays good for your health? Research suggests people with more birthdays usually live longer.

Three Star Birthday Jokes

My son wants a new iPhone for his 16th birthday.

I said, ‘No problem! Just get good grades, do the chores, and follow the rules I set.”
Otherwise, he’s getting a cheap phone. Around here it’s my way or the Huawei.

With my wife’s birthday coming up, I asked her what she would like for a present.
‘I don’t know honey,’ she said. ‘I would love something with diamonds.’
And so I gave her a deck of playing cards…

I made you a delicious cake for your birthday, but I couldn’t light the candles. I guess the county requires a permit for bonfires.

What does a turtle do on his birthday? He shell-a-brates!

Four Star Birthday Jokes

“Why did the balloon feel left out of the birthday party? Because everyone else was having a blast!”

Why did the kid smash his birthday cake with a hammer? It was a pound cake.
Why did the kid smash his birthday cake with a hammer? It was a pound cake.

“Growing old is inevitable, but growing up is optional.”

Five Star Birthday Jokes

Every year on my birthday, I would look forward to receiving a handmade scarf or hat from my favorite aunt Eloise. Well, she must have had be pretty preoccupied this year because when my package arrived in the mail, like it has for the past 27 years, it contained a couple balls of yarn, a set of knitting needles, and a how to book on knitting. The card attached simply said, “Scarf. Some assembly required.”

I bought my friend a gift for his birthday, but I couldn’t find any wrapping paper… So I wrapped it in another gift. Happy birthday, man, now you have two things to return.

I went to a birthday party, but the cake was missing. I asked the host, “Where’s the cake?” He said, “It’s still in the recipe.” That’s like me saying I’m still in high school, man.

I got a birthday card with a scratch-off lottery ticket inside. I won ten bucks, but I had to spend it on stamps to mail back the thank-you card. It’s like a circle of life, man.

My friend asked me to buy some candles for his birthday cake. I said, “How old are you?” He said, “I’m turning 30.” So, I bought him 30 tiny fire extinguishers instead.

On your birthday, people always say, “May all your wishes come true.” That’s a lot of pressure, man. I’ve got to come up with a million dollars and a pet unicorn before my next birthday.

I’m gonna start a company that sells broken birthday candles. You know, for people who don’t really like the birthday person that much. I’ll call it “Just a Little Bit of Effort.”

I hate surprise birthday parties. It’s like, “Hey, we’re all gonna hide in the dark and jump out at you, man. We love you so much, we’re gonna give you a heart attack.”

People say age is just a number. Yeah, but so is the speed limit, and that still gets me in trouble. I guess age is a number that can’t get you a speeding ticket, man.

I had a birthday recently. My friend said, “You’re one year closer to death.” I replied, “Yeah, but I’m one year further from being born, and that was a really scary time for me, man.”

Did you know?

If you have 23 people in the same room, there is a 50% chance that two of them will share the same birthday. (Mathematicians have proven this)

10 Hilariously Crazy Birthday Facts!

  1. In ancient times, birthdays were considered to be a time of great peril, and people often feared that evil spirits would harm them on their special day.
  2. The “Happy Birthday” song, which is now one of the most well-known and frequently sung songs in the world, was actually written by two sisters in 1893, Patty Hill and Mildred Hill.
  3. The world’s largest birthday cake was made in 1989 in Fort Payne, Alabama, and weighed 128,238 pounds.
  4. In some cultures, such as Russia, it is considered bad luck to celebrate your birthday before the actual day, and many people wait until midnight to begin their celebrations.
  5. The most common birth date in the world is September 9th, while the least common is December 25th.
  6. The idea of blowing out candles on a birthday cake dates back to ancient Greece, where people believed that the smoke from the candles would carry their prayers up to the gods.
  7. In Mexico and many other Latin American countries, people celebrate their “quinceañera” on their 15th birthday, which is considered to be a major milestone in a young woman’s life.
  8. The tradition of giving birthday presents comes from the ancient Romans, who would give gifts to the gods on their birthdays.
  9. The term “birthday suit” refers to being naked, and it comes from the idea of being born naked, or in one’s “birthday suit.”
  10. Some people suffer from “birthday blues,” a feeling of sadness or depression that can come on around their birthday. This may be due to the pressure of expectations, feelings of aging, or other personal factors.