Pirate Jokes

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There’s been a lot of hard work put into these pirate jokes – it’s a cut-throat world the pirate jokes world. Along with this, there has been a lot of talk lately about copyright and stealing things from the Internet. People have gone to jail, been fined, and even shamed online. So for your sake we hope you don’t pirate jokes.

On with the pirate jokes ye blubberin’ land lubber

On a pirate ship out on the high seas, the First Mate was up in the crow’s nest looking out for danger. Suddenly, a huge wave came from nowhere and slapped the side of the ship so hard it rocked back and forth. The First Mate fell from the crow’s nest, through the upper deck and crashed right into the Captain’s quarters. The Captain strolled into his quarters and, astonished, asked the First Mate if he was alright.

“Aye Captain,” the first mate answered, “I be fine, I’ve been through hard ships before!”

How does a pirate charge their phone?

Dad, what is a pirate’s least favorite vegetable?

How does a pirate find out what day it is?
He looks at his Calendarrrrr.


What’s a pirate’s favorite fish?
A goldfish

Why do pirates wear eye patches?
They can’t afford an iPad!

What’s a pirate’s favorite class?

A pirate walks into a pub on the mainland with an enormous rainbow feathered parrot on his shoulder. The barkeep stares at the rather intimidating bird until he finally gathers enough courage to ask the pirate about it. He points at the pirate and says, “Where did you get that?”

“Pirate Bay,” the parrot answers, “the place is filled to the brim with ’em!”

How did the pirate get his ship so cheaply?
It was on sail.

How did the pirate know his parrot was in love with a duck?
The parrot said, “Polly wanna Quacker.”

How much does it cost a pirate to get earrings?
A buccaneer!


What does a pirate wear at Halloween?
A pumpkin patch.

What kind of socks does a pirate wear?

Why can’t you take a picture of a pirate with a wooden leg?
Because a wooden leg can’t take pictures!

What do you call a pirate who skips class?
Captain Hooky!

Image thanks to JD Hancock