Harry Potter Jokes

Funnier than the Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, these Harry Potter jokes are just what your dad ordered. Opening a joke shop has got to be the coolest thing a kid could aspire to. Fred and George finally launched their joke shop after Harry gave them 1000 galleons from the Triwizard prize he won. Harry says that given Voldemort’s return, “We could all do with a few laughs.”

What advice would Pinocchio give to Voldemort?
Voldy, you just have to lie to get a real nose.

How will you rate Harry Potter series on a scale of one to ten?
Nine and three quarters!

When a Quidditch commentator starts coughing, what does he become?
A bit Weasley.

How did the Cornish pixies learn to fly?
They stole pixie dust from the Tinker Bell’s Fairy Pixy Hollow.

How many Slytherins does it take to screw a light bulb?
Five. One of them will screw the light bulb, while the rest four will brag about their fathers’ position and connection at the ministry.


Why does Voldemort have a Twitter account, and not a Facebook account?
Because Voldemort only has followers and no friends.

Conversation between Dumbledore, Professor Snape and Sirius Black.
Professor Snape: Headmaster, I am afraid to say that the Dark Lord has returned.
Dumbledore: What? Are you serious?
Professor Snape: No sir, I am Severus.
Sirius Black: How many times do I have to tell you that I am Sirius?

Why did Barty Crouch Jr. quit drinking Pumpkin Juice?
Because, it was making him very Moody after all.

You see Snape standing on the middle of the road. Do you know why?
Because no one will ever know which side he is actually on.


Why do Hogwarts girl students always go to the bathroom together?
Because going alone can be fatal to a girl student’s life. Myrtle died in the bathroom while crying alone. Hermione was attacked when she went to the bathroom alone. Ginny got abducted from the girls’ bathroom and lastly, Katy got cursed in the girls’ bathroom.

Voldemort is a really sweet guy. He, after all, waited for seven long years to attack and kill Harry till he was in his final year of school.

Harry and his friend in a conversation:
Ron: We all have something in common that Voldemort doesn’t have.
Harry: What is it?
Hermione: Courage, love and bonding of friendship.
Ron: Hermione!! Never mind. It’s our nose.