Golf Jokes

“Bad day at the course,” a man tells his wife. “Fred had a heart attack on the third hole.”
“That’s terrible!” she says.
“You’re telling me,” the husband replies. “All day long, it was hit the ball, drag Fred.”


Babe Ruth once said, “It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.”


While sitting at a table in the clubhouse after a game, Patrick remarked to a fellow club member’, I’m not going to play golf with Ian Harris anymore. He cheats.’
‘Why do you say that?’ asked his friend. ‘Well, he found his lost ball two feet from the green’, replied Patrick indignantly. ‘That’s entirely possible’, commented his friend.
‘Not when I had his golf ball in my pocket’, retorted Patrick.



Anthony comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife, Louise asks why he doesn’t include Mac Johnson in the games anymore. Anthony asks, ‘Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears outrageously over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?’
‘Of course I wouldn’t,’ said Louise.
‘Well,’ mutters Anthony, ‘neither does Mac Johnson.’


A very upset golfer was on his way to carding a round of 150. He turned to his caddy and said’, You have got to be the worst caddy in the world.’
‘That would be too much of a coincidence, sir’, the caddy answered him quietly.


Four retired men play golf together once a week for many years. One day on 16th hole that runs along side the highway, a funeral procession drives by. One the men says to the others, “Stop and remove your hats, gentlemen, show some respect.”
Afterward, one of the other men asked him what got into him. “I have never seen you show anybody any respect.”
The first man replied: “I was married to her for 55 years.”