Wedding Jokes

I think men who have a pierced ear are better equipped for marriage. They’ve experienced agony and bought jewelry.


For my wedding, I was married by a judge. What I didn’t realize is that I probably should have asked for a jury.


A mother attended a wedding with her young daughter. It was her daughter’s first time ever going to a wedding. When the bride began walking down the aisle, the girl turned to her mother and asked, “Why is the bride’s dress all white?” The mother looked at her daughter and whispered, “Well, that’s because white is the color of happiness and today is probably the happiest day of her life.” The child had a perplexed look on her face and then asked her mother, “That’s nice mommy but then why is the groom wearing all black?”


The night before the big day, the groom approached the minister at the wedding rehearsal with a suggestion for the ceremony the next day.

He said to the minister, “I’ll give you $100 if you can make a last minute change to my wedding vows. The part where I’m supposed to promise to love, honor, and obey and forsake all others, and be faithful to her forever. Do you think you could just leave that part out all together?” The minister looked at the groom inquisitively and took the cash. The groom walked away satisfied and with a smirk on his face.

The next day at the ceremony, it was time for the minister to recite the wedding vows. Sure of his deal, the groom smirks at the minister just before he starts speaking. The minister looked backed at the man and then recited the vows, “Will you promise to lay down before her, obey her every request and demand, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your beautiful wife that you will never so much as glance at another woman, as long as you both shall live?” Nervously and confused, the man replied, “Yes.”

He then looked awkwardly at the minister and whispered, “Hey! I thought we had a deal?” The minister quickly pulls out the $100 bill and looks at groom and says, “We did, but your wife made me a much better offer.”


Be sure to keep your eyes wide open before the wedding, then half shut afterwards.