Best Dad Jokes
What do you get when Santa goes down a chimney that’s lit?
» More Christmas jokes
How do you hire a teddy bear?
Put him on stilts.
» More animal jokes
Why did the vampire spit after biting Taylor Swift?
Because she had bad blood!
» More Halloween jokes
What are dad jokes?
Dad jokes are a combination of puns, jokes, embarrassing stories, bad jokes with poor delivery. They are jokes that are typically associated with puns told by fathers or older men speaking to children or younger people that are deemed to be one of the lowest forms of humour.
Worldwide they are known as dad jokes because they are usually told by a father, but they can be spoken by anyone. Often characterised by a question, with a resulting answer and pun dad jokes have become quite popular online with memes and an extremely popular subReddit.
In Japanese culture the dad joke is known as ‘dajare‘ and are quite popular in advertising.
You’ll often find that those who tell dad jokes regard them as some sort of high art form, a skill honed over years that involves taking any and every subject, and turning it into a pun. However the true dad joke is one that is rejected by those who hear it.
Dad Jokes & christmas cracker jokes
…they’re just a way of binding people together. Given the diversity around your average dinner table, it would be extraordinarily difficult to come up with a joke that everyone found funny…
Like Christmas cracker jokes, the worst dad jokes bring people together – if only to groan at how horrible, predictable, and embarrassing dad is being.
So if you love dad jokes, or you just can’t get enough of puns you’ll love Best Dad Jokes.
But on a more serious note, here’s a piece of advice before we get into the jokes…
Don’t trust atoms – they make up everything.
One Star Dad Jokes
Two antennas fell in love and got married
The ceremony was terrible but the reception was fantastic.
Son: Dad, how does it feel to have an amazing son?
Dad: I don’t know, ask your grandfather!
Dad: Hey it’s 12:00am happy new year!
Daughter: Happy new year to you too dad.
Dad: Hey have you seen your mom? I haven’t seen her all year! YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
Kid: Dad, I’m starving – can you make me a sandwich?
Dad: Abracadabra! You’re a sandwich!
Daughter: Dad, can I have a glass of water?
Dad: Sorry, daughter, I don’t have any glasses. Will plastic be okay?
One time my dad was doing the laundry, and my step-mom who works as a waitress reminded him to take any money he found out of her apron. He looked at her and said in a deadpan voice, “Nonsense. Here we launder our money.”
Son: Hey dad look I got a haircut!
Dad: You did? Which one did they cut?!
Two Star Dad Jokes
A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The barman says ‘sorry, we don’t serve string here’
The piece of string walks outside, ties himself around in the middle and musses up his ends, then walks back into the bar.
‘Hey’ the barman says; ‘aren’t you the piece of string that was in here just a minute ago?’
The string replies ‘No, I’m a frayed knot’.
Submitted by Claire
Son: My socks are soaked, I could really use some new shoes.
Dad: Awww no you don’t you son.
Son: Dad, seriously, there’s a hole in my shoe.
Dad: Mine too son! That’s how I get my foot inside!
One time I was driving home, with my dad as a passenger. We passed by a church, and he suddenly said, “I wonder who owns the church now?”. Confused, I turned to him and asked what he meant. “Well, there was a big sign on the church that said ‘Lent Services’. I wonder who they lent them to?”
Three Star Dad Jokes
Dad: Why are there no painkillers in the jungle?
Me: I don’t know,why?
Dad: Because… the paracetamol!
A little boy walks up to his dad looking distraught. The boy is hold a pair of children’s shoes. He looks up at his dad and whines, “Dad, can you please put my shoes on?”. Without missing a beat, the dad looks down and says, “I’m sorry son, but I can’t put your shoes on. My feet are too big!”
Two men walk into a bar … you’d think one of them would have seen it!
Four Star Dad Jokes
I took my 9yr old daughter to the office with me for, “Take Your Kid to Work Day”.
While I was showing her around the office, she starting crying and getting very upset, so I asked what was wrong.
As my colleagues gathered, she sobbed loudly, “Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?”
The five signs of laziness.
Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire.
A man with authority walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
Dad: Hey son, did you hear about that new comedy called “Constipation”?
Son: Uh… no?
Dad: That’s because it hasn’t come out yet!
What do you call a three-legged donkey? A wonkey.
What do you get when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? An udder disaster.
Daughter: Dad, do you ever have bad dreams?
Dad: Of course!
Dad: Yup. In fact, just last night I dreamed that I was a car muffler. I woke up exhausted!
Dad: Hey big girl, what are you drinking?
Daughter: Soy milk.
Dad: Hola milk, soy tu padre!
Five Star Dad Jokes
My dad told me once how he hiked in the mountains, sat on a rock and wondered all night where the sun went, and then it dawned on him.
Dad: I’ve got some horrible news – your brother fell off a ladder while he was climbing the roof today.
Kid: Oh no! Is he dead?
Dad: Nope! Luckily he was only on the bottom rung.