Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s ok, he woke up.

• Next story A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. “Sure thing” the bartender replies and asks “but what’s with the big pause?” The panda holds up his hands and says “I was born with them”
• Previous story Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bay-gulls!

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