Hospital dad jokes

Patient: Doctor, I seem to have broken my arm in several places.
Doctor: Well, you should stop going to those places.
Patient: Will I be able to play the piano once it has healed?
Doctor: Absolutely. You’ll be just fine.
Patient: That’s great news. I’ve always wanted to be able to play a musical instrument.

Patient: I’m a little nervous about having hernia surgery. It’s got my stomach in knots.
Friend: I know how you feel. I was diagnosed with hernia and it bothered me to my core.
Patient: I think I’m just going to try to fix it myself.
Friend: Oh, so your mother had hernia, too?
Patient: No, why do you ask?
Friend: Because she raised a dumbbell.

Patient: Doctor, I think I might have a case of chalkboard flu.
Doctor: Why do you say that?
Patient: Because I feel remarkable.
Doctor: You know, there does seem to be something going around. My wife has caught a bit of a cold. She woke up early this morning and had her morning coughy.
Patient: My son has been sick lately, too. Turned out, it’s allergies.
Doctor: Oh, is that right?
Patient. Sure is. Those allergies are really bringing him to his sneeze.
Doctor: Well, this time of year, many people suffer from hay fever.
Patient: Doc, that news is simply a pollen.

Patient: Hello, I need to see the optometrist.
Receptionist: I’m sorry, he’s not in. He’s decided to run for mayor. He’s a real visionary.
Patient: Well, what am I supposed to do about my eye problem?
Receptionist: Just go home and have a look at It’s a site for sore eyes.