One Star Aussie Jokes
What do you call it when you cook meat from the front of a kangaroo?
A hot pocket!
A guy visiting Australia gets hit by a car and is taken to the ER unconscious. When he comes to, lying on a stretcher, he asks the porter, “Was I brought here to die?”. The porter replies, “No, mate, you were brought here yesterday.”
Two Star Aussie Jokes
Why did the cockatoo sit on the clock?
So he’d be on time!
What Australian animal can jump higher than the Sydney Harbour Bridge?
All of them – because bridges can’t jump.
How do Aussies start every joke?
By looking over their shoulder.
Three Star Aussie Jokes
What do you call a LAN party in Australia?
The LAN Down Under
I forgot how to throw a boomerang the other day – then it came back to me.
Dad I’m Hungry
G’day Hungry – I’m Dad.
It’s Australian because he said G’day – #amiriteoramirite
Four Star Aussie Jokes
You know you’re in Australia when the wildlife is more likely to kill you than the criminals. But at least the snakes don’t steal your wallet.
In Australia, the weather gets so hot, even the kangaroos are like, “I’m not hopping today, mate. I’m just gonna drag myself around.”
Australians are so laid-back, they make a sloth look like it’s on energy drinks. I’m pretty sure their motto is, “Why stress when you can just have another beer?”
Vegemite is Australia’s national spread, but I think it’s just a practical joke they play on tourists. “Hey, mate, try this on your toast. It’s delicious, I promise.”
Five Star Aussie Dad Jokes
In Australia, they have a sport called “Aussie Rules Football.” It’s like they took American football, rugby, and soccer, put them in a blender, and said, “Yeah, that looks about right.”
Australia’s got a lot of dangerous creatures, but the most terrifying of all is the drop bear. It’s like a koala, but it just hangs out in trees, waiting to pounce on unsuspecting tourists.
Australian slang is so confusing, even Australians don’t understand it half the time. I asked for directions, and someone said, “Just chuck a left at the servo, then a right at the bottle-o.” I’m still lost.
The Australian Outback is so remote, it makes the moon look like a bustling metropolis. You could drive for hours without seeing another human, but you’ll probably pass a few kangaroos.
You know what’s funny about Australian money? It’s waterproof, like they know everyone’s going to accidentally drop it in their beer at some point.
They say Australia was founded as a penal colony, but I think it was just a clever way to keep all the beautiful beaches to themselves. Nice move, Australia.