Christmas is a fun cheerful time of year, full of stockings, gifts, and celebrating the birth of Jesus. What could be better than to celebrate with a few Christmas jokes for kids!
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Christmas Jokes Are Deliberately Bad
Did you know that Christmas jokes from crackers are deliberately bad? That’s right – you open up those crackers, get a bad toy, and a little joke. What happens next? You’re reading your Christmas jokes out and groaning at all the bad puns. But that’s exactly what those jokes are for! To help create a harmonious meal, the jokes are there to help you have a mutual experience. Sure it’s a mutual experience in bad Christmas jokes but if you can get along just a little bit more, then maybe they’re worth getting out every year 🙂
Horrible Christmas jokes you’ll love
What do Elves learn at school?
The elf-abet
What did one snowman say to the other?
Can you smell carrot?
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitis
Why is Santa so good at karate?
Because he has a black belt!
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Poleish
Why does Santa come down the chimney?
Because it soots him
Why did Santa’s helper feel sad?
He had low elf-esteem.
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
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Dad Jokes at Christmas
Junior: Hey dad, where do our presents come from at Christmas time?
Dad: Well Junior, we get all our presents from St. Nicholas?
Junior: How do you know that?
Dad: He always Santa them with love!
Junior: Oh, c’mon, Dad. He never stops at our house. It’s one of the Clauses in his contract.
Dad: Ah, yes. Christmas jokes by my kid. My Christmas jokes for kids are better, Junior.
Junior: Don’t bet on it. Your joke market is about to creche, and you know it.
Dad: Oh, really? Did you see the painting I drew of the Nativity?
Junior: No, I didn’t. Let me see it.
Dad: Here.
Junior: Why is there a huge fat guy standing next to Melchior?
Dad: You should know that, Junior. We sing about it ever year when we go caroling. It’s Round John Virgin!
Junior: Keep it up, Dad, and the Halls won’t be the only thing that gets Decked!
Dad: Oh, Junior. You’ve been watching “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” too much.
Junior: Huh?
Dad: You know. The Boughs of Holly Golightly, and all?
Junior: You win, Dad. Don’t wassail my senses anymore!
A couple is walking in St Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.
“I think it’s raining”, says the man.
“No, it’s snowing,” replies the woman.
“How about we ask this Communist officer here? He’s always right!” the man insists. “Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?”
“Definitely raining,” officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile, “See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico?
Fleece Navibaaaaaaad
Knock knock
Who’s there
Mary
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!
What is red, white, and blue during Christmas?
A sad candy cane!
Why is is always so cold during Christmas?
Because it is Decemburrrrrrrr
What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow
Why are mummies such big fans of Christmas?
Because they enjoying wrapping
How do all the baby sharks get their presents on Christmas?
From Santa Jaws.
Who gives all the puppies and kittens presents on Christmas?
Santa Paws.
What is one of the best Christmas presents that you can give and receive?
A broken drum.
Why?
Because you can’t beat it!
Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? Because they always drop their needles.
One night Rudolph was looking out of his window and then told his wife “it’s going to rain tonight”.
His wife then asked “hmmm it’s not cloudy – how do you know that”?
He replied, ‘Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear”.
What do snowmen do on the weekends?
Just chill
What happens when you cross an Apple product and a pine tree?
A pineapple.
What is green, white, and red all over?
A sun burnt elf.
Funny Santa Rhyme
Santa Santa, where are you?
This Christmas I have been looking for you.
I’m going to wish something, as I have been good.
Except this Christmas Eve,
I have eaten all the food.
How does a snow man lose weight?
They wait until the weather gets warmer.
What is a snow man’s favourite breakfast food?
Frosted Flakes.
How many presents can Santa fit in an empty sack?
Only one. After one present, it is not empty any more.
